First of all, no one dances around singing to themselves anymore — this is not “The First Wives Club.” Secondly, your ex-boyfriend is not reading this and regretting breaking up with such a free spirit; if he even saw it, all he thought was: “dodged that bullet.” Hang up the dancing shoes and put away the facebook and go to bed.

status via facebook.

Wow, P., at first I thought you were being facetious about your Harry Potter hysteria, but then I saw the trailer embedded in your status message. WE GET IT. THINGS IN 3D ARE AWESOME. LIKE REAL LIFE. Someone’s got a case of the Harry’s, and I mean that to sound as sexually ambiguous as you do.

status via facebook

Dear you: Listen, we get it. You are a ball-busting woman who drives a nice-ass stick shift car in high heels. It is totally amazing how you balance being a working mother with running your own company what with your full-time nanny and all that money you married in to. Enough.

— status via facebook.

Butalbital is a barbituate prescribed for tension headaches. Thank-you for letting us know simultaneously that you are both immature and over-educated since you could not just say “advil.”

— status via facebook.

The definition of “Pura Vida” according to Wikipedia:

Pura Vida (POO-rah VEE-dah), used by Costa Ricans since 1956 literally translated means “Pure Life.” Contextually, it means “Full of Life” “Purified life”, “This is living!”, “Going great!” It is used as a greeting, a farewell, and to express satisfaction.

I believe this particular status message was written to express satisfaction, with the author’s self.

— status courtesy of gchat